Don’t Be Sorry – Podcast #1

Holy cow! It’s done!  “Don’t Be Sorry – The Podcast” is a real thing.

I need to thank Tony G at Canby CTV5 for pushing and pushing and pushing until I got my rear into the studio and made this happen.  He apparently had read one of my past posts where I discussed how I get projects almost to the point of completion and then just let them go.  Tony G is doing some really awesome things at CTV5.  The great thing is these facilities are open to the community.  You should definitely check them out.  He is a pretty rad guy too.  So, if you see him in a local establishment buy him a beer.  He drinks PBR, so it won’t cost you that much.  If you get the chance to sit and talk with him, I bet you’ll want to buy him a second beer so you can keep the conversation going.

Also, I have a small group of friends that have been extremely supportive of not only this blog, but the podcast too!  I appreciate all of the kind words and constructive feedback.

My hope for both the blog and podcast is to get real stories out there from what I call “Everyday People.”  These are people that are overcoming their circumstances to do great things.  The reality is, overcoming your circumstances is a great thing all by itself.  The community needs to hear these stories.

It is my belief that by sharing these stories, other people going through their own situations may find strength.  We tend to hear stories about celebrities and such overcoming their own obstacles which is great.  However, Everyday People may have a difficult time relating because their lifestyles are vastly different.

One of the beautiful things about the human body, is that it can heal.  There are times where it needs help in healing.  I find the strength in community.  I find it in hearing about other peoples ability to over come the circumstances.  I also love to watch it happen.  It is like watching a flower blossom.

I chose Darren Karr as my first guest for a couple of reasons.  One of them was he was a very important person in my life as I was going through my divorce.  Darren is pretty much a straight shooter and will often tell you what you really don’t want to hear, but need to.  It isn’t that he is a negative guy or a pessimist.  He is a realist.   He gets it.  He helped me get it.

Darren grew up in a Portland suburb.  Went through college, the Air Force, got married, had two kids, got divorced, got married again and ran for Governor, twice.  WTF? Ran for Governor???

Exactly.  It goes to show that you don’t have to born with a silver spoon in your mouth to make stuff happen.  Please understand that I am not bashing those who were born into wealthy families or anything of that nature.  I feel like there are people out there that feel you cannot realize your dreams or even attempt to realize them unless you are one of the elite.  It is just not true.

Another reason why I asked Darren to be my first guest is that he was preparing to move out of state.  It was really awesome that we got to spend this time together before he left.  It is even more awesome that I was able to capture it on video.  I know I will see Darren again (probably this year when I head East).  He is going to do great things in this world.  I won’t completely disclose where he moved to but its not too far from 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. So, you never know what he might do next!

A better life is out there.  If you want it.  It will not be easy.  There may be a transitional period where it is worse than you can ever imagine.  There will be people that don’t understand why you are doing what you’re doing.  If you choose to fight through it and keep focused on what you want, I am telling you, it is out there.

Darren didn’t necessarily want to be the Governor.  He wanted to wake people up a bit.  Get them to see that their are more options out there than just the regular Republican or Democrat ideals.  He knew, as many of us do, that the current system wasn’t working.  What did he do? He wrote a book.  He spent his own money driving around the state, not to talk about his ideas of how it all should work.  But, to talk about the idea that decisions should be made on a collective basis.   With the best people giving input on a particular subject.

He mentions in his book that it is an outdated and old way of thinking if you feel that the best people to make policy are the ones sitting in the Capital building or in government offices around the state.

I feel the same way about life decisions.  I understand the value of the counselor or the bishop or even your parents.  I know its important to go to them for input or guidance when needed.  But, it is also important to get input from the people that have been through the circumstances.  The ones that have overcome the problems.

It is important to get input from the Everyday People.  That is why Don’t Be Sorry exists.

Peace and Love.

Jeremy 🙂

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When you find yourself having to find yourself…

It’s been a while since I’ve made any postings on the Don’t Be Sorry website.  I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus.  Part of that was just a matter of circumstance, part of it, self-imposed.  I was feeling as though I was in a bit of a rut.  I have been writing and journaling.  Just not posting.  So, I share with you my first post back after my self-imposed rut hiatus.

First some word meanings

  1. Self imposed: imposed on oneself, not by an external force
  2. Rut: a fixed or established mode of procedure or course of life, usually dull or unpromising
  3. Hiatus: a break or interruption in the continuity of a work, series, action, etc.

Yep that was me! I imposed on myself a course of life and took a break!

I took a break from things I shouldn’t have taken a break from and filled them with things that weren’t helping me get to where I wanted to be.

The first half of 2016 wasn’t going that well. I can admit, most my wounds were self-inflicted (self-imposed) either by expectations I set or (bad) decisions I made.  Even as I was going through this time, I knew exactly what the issues were but was having difficulty taking any course of action that would change it.  I would complain to my friends about them but did nothing to change it.

I was totally lacking motivation for pretty much everything.  I wasn’t feeling good at all, both physically and mentally.  I woke up each day with the best of intentions but by mid-day just looked forward to going back to bed.  That’s a rut for sure.

One day towards the end of June, I woke up and decided that because I had not been feeling well for some time, I wasn’t going to drink that day.  The other factor there was I couldn’t remember the last day that I hadn’t had at least one drink. So, that being said it was a good time to take a hiatus from the alcohol beverages.

Now, one thing I will learned that if your friends and the people you know are shocked when they find out you’re not drinking, it might be a good time to take a break. I not going to go on a big crusade to convince people to stop drinking, that’s not the point.  I needed to make a change in my routine and this happens to be the one I made.

Well I got my intended result, I started to feel better after a couple of days.  I did crave having a drink, but I think that was more because of the routine than an actual physical craving.  I also started to get motivated again.  I made a list of projects to complete and started to check them off quickly.  My head definitely cleared up and I started to find myself again.  I started focusing on some of my business goals and am on my way to getting those completed.

I slept better.  My body didn’t hurt as much.  I haven’t take a tums or rolaids since that day.  There are some downsides.  One is that it’s hard to rally until 3am when you’re sober, but I have done it a couple of times and felt great the next day.  But overall, my head was so clear.

I did have some cocktails last Friday at Oktoberfest.  While it was fun to do that with my friends, I didn’t feel super awesome the next day, so I am not sure it was worth it.

What’s crazy, is that I felt bad for so long, that it became my norm.  Almost as if this is how it feels to be 42 and I will just have to deal with it.  That type of thinking probably speaks to exactly where my mind was at the time.

I imagine this is how many people feel when they are stuck in the same routine or pattern.  Whether it’s a job, relationship or something else.  I realized, at least for me, I had to find myself again.  In order to do that, I had to make a change.

No matter how big or how small, a change in routine may just be what you need to get back

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Imagine…

The last time I attended a candle light vigil was December 1980.  John Lennon had just been assassinated and my parents took me to downtown Portland where a crowd had gathered to honor the life of the activist and former Beatle.

Today I got a call from my daughter.  She asked me to attend a vigil for a classmate of hers, Matthew Albrecht and a teacher from the local Charter school, Doug Bonham.  Both were killed in a single car accident on a rural road over the weekend.

From what I have read, Matthew was a good kid.  He had an energy about him.  He didn’t let things get him down.  My daughter had good things to say about him too.  From what I gather, he loved the term ‘Merica!

Mr. Bonham was a beloved teacher and was never “off duty.”  An educator that said, “even if I won the lotto, I would still show up for work.”  He was also a father and husband.

Matthew was 16.  Mr. Bonham was 30.  Both left behind families that loved them.  Both left this world too soon.

I was standing in the back of the crowd at the vigil, taking it all in.  There must have been 300-400 people.  All of them there for the same purpose.  To pay their respects to two community members that had an impact.

At one point my daughter leaned over to me while looking at the group of people standing to my right.  She said, “That’s Mr. Bonhams family.”  My attention from that point forward was on the family.  I was hoping that I wasn’t staring or that they couldn’t tell I was watching them.  My eyes filled with tears as I watched them and tried to put myself in their shoes.

They stood there with such grace.  Such…I don’t even know how to express it.  There were tears that flowed. But, there were also smiles when they spoke about their father and husband.  They looked strong.  They looked stronger than I feel I would be 48 hours after learning I lost such an important piece of my life.

Tonight was a reminder that you have to live life to the fullest every day because there may not be a tomorrow.  Good things and bad things will happen in your life.  You have to keep going.  There are going to be times when your feelings are hurt.  Tell the person.  Then, move on.  Keep loving.  Keep moving forward.  Do not take a day for granted.  Hug your family.  Hug your friends.  Hug a stranger.  Smile at someone from across the room, you may make a new friend.  Don’t judge another because you probably do not know their story.

Imagine what life would be like if we were all living like this.  Imagine what it would be like if the weight of everyday life was lifted.  Imagine if we were all working for the greater good.  Imagine what it would be like to love what you do, that even if you won the lotto, you would still show up for work tomorrow.

Imagine all the people, living for today…

 

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Confessions of an eternal optimist, Part I

 

I’ve been accused of owning rose colored glasses.

Several pair actually.  Different sizes. Different styles of frames.  Only one thing in common, the lenses are all rose colored.

Truth be told.  I only have recently started wearing any type of glasses. I haven’t worn sunglasses for years. If I am being completely honest, I have a big head and most don’t look that great on me.  The temples of the sunglasses usually flair out.  For those of you that don’t know what the temples of a pair of sunglasses are, that’s what they call the part of the sunglasses that attaches to the part called the rim and extend out and over your ear.  Do I know a lot about sunglasses?  No.  But, thankfully Google does.

I think most of my life I have always had a cheery disposition.  I’ve believed that good things can happen.  You do not even have to be good person to have good things happen to you.  Everyone deserves a second chance right?  I’ve always thought that if someone wasn’t a “good person” that maybe they didn’t receive the love they needed in the early parts of their life.  Maybe they didn’t realize it is okay to make mistakes and were acting out because that’s all they knew.  Maybe they need to borrow to my glasses?

I believe that people can be healed by love.  That love would conquer all.  So, that is what I have given.  Love, love, love.

I read something recently.  It goes something like, “…with all the questions in the world, love is the only answer.”

I am a lot of things.  I am not a flawless person.  I get mad.  I get sad.  I get angry.  I have an ego.  My feelings get hurt.  I get jealous.  I am human after all.

I’ve learned and had to re-learn that love isn’t always enough.  It seems I am getting taught time and time again that I cannot save people or make them better.  You think as an adult, I would have known this.  I can’t sit here today and tell you that I totally get it.  But, tomorrow I may try to help or save someone by just loving them.  That shit works in the movies, why not in real life?

I do understand it to a certain degree.  As much as I hate to admit it.  Love is awesome.  Why shouldn’t it be able to overcome anything?  I have learned, unfortunately, that anger, hate, manipulation and so many other crazy things can have a stronger presence than love.  Why?  It’s a good question.  It’s also not one I can answer.  I’ve also thought that negativity travels further than positivity.  People seem to grasp ahold of negative thoughts these days and they are transferred from person to person very quickly.  Just turn on any of the national news channels and I think you will know what I am talking about.  Why can’t it be that way with positivity?  Do I need to just distribute some glasses?

I like the idea of wearing “rose colored glasses.”  I know it’s a metaphor, but for me it is more.   It’s a belief, life can be good.  Things can go in your favor.  You just have to believe.  When times are down, you have to think about the positive.  When it feels like you are being bombarded you have to know that change is right around the corner.  Sometimes, it just takes time.  Patience.  Not a word that I am particularly good with, but it is necessary.

I woke up to sun this morning.  I didn’t need the glasses.  But, if tomorrow it is grey and gloomy.  I know they are by my side.  And, I will keep believing.

  

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Ramblings – Volume 1

“Ramblings” is something new I am starting where I just start typing and will do minimal editing before I post.  I guess you could compare it to…typing vomit.  So, here it goes.

I sat on a friends couch today talking to her about life at 40(ish).  It was the type of conversation that I wish I could have filmed.  It was open.  Honest.  Judgment free.  We talked about marriage, kids, losing your own identity, living to make other people happy, relationships, our friends relationships.  There were a great number of topics covered in a relatively short period of time.

It was my suggestion that we possibly video record these types of conversations because I thought they needed to be heard.  She didn’t much care of the idea of posting them where other people could see them.

Now, she will pretty much tell me anything, knowing that she won’t be judge.  I feel as though I could tell her anything and receive the same respect.  But, putting yourself out there, where others may judge you can be very difficult.

That got me thinking this evening… Do we worry about being judged by other people, because we know we judge other people?

And… to break free from the fear of being judge by others, do we need to stop judging others?

What are your thoughts on that?

ALSO,

If you have interest in being part of a small group (3-4) that would have conversations like this and have them filmed, please let me know.  The conversations would be edited and posted on this blog.

 

 

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FACEBOOK HERE WE COME!

Many exciting things are planned for 2016!

-More posts!

-More podcasts!

-More positivity!

AND OF COURSE…

-More Love!

Just launched a Facebook page to stay in touch with everyone on a daily basis.  CHECK IT OUT HERE:

https://www.facebook.com/dontbesorryme

 

-Jeremy 🙂

 

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The Ocean, My Healer

When I was a child, I sort of despised trips to the Oregon Coast.

The one and one half hour drive stuffed in the back of my parents 1980 Toyota Corolla was horrible.  My siblings and I felt packed like sardines in that back of that car.  If one of us touched the other, it would set off a poking match.  Inevitably, one or more of us would get in trouble.

After what felt like an eternity in the car, we would finally arrive at the beach.  We were usually greeted by heavy rain, heavy wind or both.  It was difficult to build sand castles when you’re freezing and getting blasted in the face with sand.  As I recall, our visits would be short.

We would all pile back into the car, cold and wet for the long drive home.  Somehow the drive home felt like it took twice as long.  But, man was I thankful to be home.

I woke up this morning in Seaside, Oregon.  I am here on a work retreat/mini vacation.  After having some chips and salsa for breakfast, I headed out for a walk.

The ocean has a different effect on me these days.  It started when I lived near in LA in the mid-90s.  I ended up spending a lot of time on the shore.  In LA I lived about ten minutes from the beach so it was a lot closer and quite a bit warmer, but there was something more to it than that.

I found peace.

There is something about the waves…the sounds…the sand.  There is a calmness.  I can feel it every time I get near the water.  I can also see it on the faces of the people walking by me at the waters edge as I stroll along the beach.

When I moved back to Oregon, I found myself at the beach often.  The drive now is over two hours from where I live but no longer a burden but more of a launching pad to what I consider heaven on earth.

The ocean has been a constant through my life.  It’s where I got married (the second time) and where I went when my marriage fell apart.  It’s where I like to take out of town guests and it’s a getaway from the grind when daily life becomes too much.  When I vacation, I like to vacation near the ocean.

It’s where I go when I can’t find the answers to life questions and when my head is too foggy to separate things.  I came here today to map out questions about my professional future and business.

The ocean doesn’t tell me what to do.  It doesn’t tell me how to act.   It doesn’t tell me what to think.  But, for me, when I walk away from it, I seem to know exactly what direction I am supposed to head in.  It provides me clarity without meaning to.

I don’t really understand the ocean and how it works.  I know the tide has something to do with the moon.  I know that it is powerful and has taken many lives.  It also gives life.  It breeds new energy.  We can generate power from the ocean.   But, beyond that I don’t understand it.

What I do know is that it creates a feeling inside of me.  It allows me time and space to think and make decisions.  It gets me out of my routine.

For a guy that can’t swim worth a crap, it’s probably unusual I love the ocean so much.  I believe we have a mutual respect for each other.  The water knows I will take care of it and I know there is always a place next to the water for me.

Hey, maybe that’s how religious people feel.  Maybe they don’t totally have to understand it all.  They just know how they feel.  And how it makes them feel.  Hmmm….

Probably a good topic for another day.  Right now, it’s raining and I am putting on my coat.  Nothing beats a walk in the rain on the beach as the sun goes down.

Peace.

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Winds of Change

Fall is only ten days away and I can feel the winds of change.  Not just when I step outside my front door, but in the in my life and the lives of those close to me.  Maybe its the change of seasons… Maybe its the stars… Maybe there is a higher power or powers at work…

Whatever the case, I can see and feel it happening.

I often blog about the struggles of being a forty(ish) year old.  Not only from my personal experience, but the experience of the people that I love.

I talk about the struggles of being forty and realizing  that your life isn’t quite what you’d thought it would be.  Life changes happen, even when you do not want them to.  It could be because you chose the wrong path for yourself because you thought that is what society would approve of and didn’t truly follow your own heart.  It also could be that the person you married ended up being someone entirely different as the years went on.  Or it is possible that you married a person, things were great for a while, but a life experience or something changed your relationship.

I’ve gone through it myself.  It taught me a lot.  I also did a lot of what I call “work”.  I had to go and (re)find myself.  Who the hell was I?  Who am I?  It wasn’t easy.  I would rather bury myself in friends or another relationship or a vodka & diet coke then do the “work”. However, I did the work.  Heck, I am still doing the work.  The work goes on, everyday, for the rest of your life.  Had I done the work since my early twenties, maybe I would not have been in the place I was.  But, man, I am telling you I knew everything in my early twenties! Why would I need to do the work?

The work can be different for everyone.  Maybe it is finding yourself on your own.  Maybe you have to disconnect from family life to do that.  Maybe it is reconnecting with your religion or your church.  Maybe it is a job change.  Maybe it is realizing it is okay to be alone.  Maybe it is time for a move. Your maybe could be different than someone elses maybe.

I’ve watched as several of my friends struggle in their relationships with their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend.  It is pretty normal at my age.  The details of each situation may differ a bit, but the reality is the same.  A relationship that started 15-20 years ago. Marriage.  Kids.  House.  Cars.  Debts.  Somewhere along the line you forget to be a couple, or more importantly an individual.  And now there is a struggle because you want to find yourself as an individual or a couple, but the debt is too great, or the busy life of raising children has become too great.

Recently, maybe because of the season change, I’ve seen some of these people, accepting the change.  Some of them are still fighting the fight to keep their families intact.  Some of them are realizing that the best thing for themselves is to walk away.

I will be the last person on the planet to tell them what they should do. The truth is, I don’t know.  What I would do in my situation isn’t necessarily what someone else should do in theirs.   But, I do know, if they are living their life true to themselves, true to their heart, they will have a greater impact on this world.  Their imprint on this world will have a bigger impact.  That is probably where my selfishness comes in because I want them to maximize the person they can be!

Either way, they have my full support and I hope that I have theirs!  Hold on fall equinox, the best if yet to come!

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